Nagozu Aldean

how rad can that be?

I just found my answer…

I finally found myself on that lone road. Trying to get a glimpse of what lies ahead, but can’t. Either my eyes fail me or the end is just too far from where I stand. It’ll be a lot easier if I had one road before me. But twisted as fate oft time is, my road is forked.

I can stand here for hours, even days, or years, if needs be… but time won’t allow me such luxury. I can feel time’s persistent and annoying tug… decide… it says… decide.

If only it was that simple.

Standing here, I muse on what a poet once told me… everything will pass…

But the road stands insolent. Daring me to decide.

Nothing passed. There was only ignoring it or postponing. But not pass.

Even time won’t give me the satisfaction of it just passing. No. it had to leave its mark. It would leave me with either a scar or a smile. Nothing more, nothing less.

The wind gushes. And my attention was brought back to the road. I’m still standing before its magnificence… still undecided.

Dang!

I’ve been reading blogs, and there’s one theme to most… RESOLUTIONS!

which makes me wonder… do I need one?

perhaps it’ll be nice to have something to look back at when the time comes…

what with failing memories and all…

=P

seriously though…

resolutions?

I guess I’m where most people my age are… Lost… somewhere… I’m glad Jorel’s around to hold my hand and lead the way…

every now and then I’d meet people who’ll contribute something, somehow in this Journey…

I feel like I’m in one of those strategy games… you know, the kind that shows dialogues between two (sometimes more) people and from there you’d be on your way…

2008

a few more and UST will be in its 400th year.

…and my soul? perhaps it’ll be in it’s 4th millenia.

I’ve learned more. And I believe that it’s my sole reason for living… learning.

and perhaps, somewhere along the way… imparting the lessons learned.

Well. Ok. People kept saying they’re holding a grudge of some sort against me just because I haven’t greeted them Merry Christmas or something to that effect… Man, don’t people know me enough not to expect? Oh well… so here I am, writing, just to appease the boiling anger in many… better subdue it now than wait for the boiling point, not that I’ll mind all the knifed stares and edged words…

Fine. Merry Christmas to all!!!

There. I’ve said it. Happy?

Several months from now, our time shall be limited.

Our meetings, reduced.

Our conversations, decreased.

Life shall be full upon your back, and empty upon mine.

You shall find your ways, and I, would lose it in time.

But if ever, Fate would prove good, I wish your feelings would remain.

And in between our busy lives, love would stay the same.

***Author’s Notes:

created way back 2004 (or even older). everything held true. except for the latter.

You asked me the answers to the questions you posted.

You asked me for explanations for the things that I said.

You asked me questions… Of which I have no answers.

You told me to tell you the things that I felt…

…and I couldn’t. For it is not I. I do not speak. I cannot tell you.

I heard my prince’s horse halt in front of the kingdom…

so I hurried down the staircase, ready to greet him…

though to my disappointment, the doors never opened…

for the horse that I heard, was only a trick of mine mind.

You shall forget me, and think of me no more…

You shall remember, and think for some time…

You shall imagine, and think it a bore…

You shall dream, and forget again you’re mine…

I dread the day when you would no longer be by my side…

When I can no longer hold you by the hand…

The day when everything we had would be suspended in space…

When all our lives would be included in life’s big, awful race.

When thoughts of me would leave your mind, for other crap to fill it out…

When an image of me is no longer there…

When even a glimpse is of certain doubt.

I dread the day when I would merely exist in the world, in a life you helped me to live

When I would be seeking your warmth, in a cold day, and later find out you’ve nothing to give.

I’ll hate that day, surely I will.

I’ll wish it away, wish it wasn’t real…

***author’s notes:

this was dated 112004. Events already transpired. The dreaded day has come to pass. It wasn’t as bad… not really.

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

- Neftali Ricardo Reyes Basoalto