Nagozu Aldean

I haven’t written for the longest time.

…and the cycle has once again started.

to dream up a conclusion, to foretell an ending is blasphemous.

I’ve been bombarded with questions…

to which I have no answers.

The pieces are being brought back together.

…and with it… a sharp jab of pain.

I am ready to leave everything behind me.

…and yet…

I might miss the pain.

That which fed my thoughts.

…pushed my fingers to type.

A peculiar feeling is taking the place of something that has been ancient in me.

I am afraid to breathe… lest I disturb the spirits and bring back wrath on my fate.

I am too ecstatic.

words escape me.

The weaver of words… lost. speechless. dazed. confused.

everything seems surreal.

don’t wake me up.

My grave has long been marked.

I don’t understand why I even bother existing.

In the eventuality of things that once were and would always be, there is but one consequence.

And yet… here I am.

Fighting for the very life I gave up eons ago.

The cycle has gone on… Leaving me hating, cursing the heavens.

Though the only one to blame is yours truly.

Nobody else.

I tread that thin line between reality and fantasy.

Forever caught between one world and the other.

I hope… and yet… not really.

Who can free me from this damnable existence!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

What can an old, tired soul do?

"My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely."

is it too much to ask?

…for your arms to embrace me

…your touch to caress me

…your presence to soothe my troubled soul

Is it too much to ask?

…for your angelic face to grace mine view

…your soft, sweet lips to brush against mine

…your darling eyes to look at me and set my heart at ease

…Is it too much to ask…

tell me, who is this I see before me?  surely, it’s not the same person I’ve known from before?

this one kids around and smiles.

I miss the old one.

lately, life has been meaningless. i’ve been around trivialities a little too long. it’s starting to affect my brain.

give me something to live for. And please, let it not be vodka. The alcohol does not help my already-fuzzied-brain.

i’m starting to believe in day dreams.

i remember. as if it was yesterday. the darkness. me screaming. all the tears and hatred. and who pacified me? it was a stranger.

how many times can one die?

…and the cycle goes on…

no, i’m not here because it is comfortable. i’m here because i love him… and yet, that doesn’t seem to be enough anymore.

and the love wanes…

and tears fall. blood trickles.

pain is the only familiar feeling. warm. accepting.

i could never change. As much as I am aware that people are being hurt by who I am, there’s nothing I can do.

i often wish that he was you and that you were him. but it wasn’t meant to be. whatever his plans are, i cannot tell. not from this vantage point.

In numbness I bask

Stripped of joy, stripped of agony

A vessel that’s hollow

Life’s curse, life’s sweet irony

The gods I ask

Cruel, unrelenting

Shunned with silence

Dejected, spiting

The sun sets

Glaring, mocking

Shadows are cast

The world is dying